Just sat through 22 chapters of the modern epic Trapped in a Closet and realised that it’s designed for the perfect drinking game…a drink everytime R.Kelly finds out that someone’s been cheating. Whoever doesn’t die from choking with laughter wins. Through the whole thing, I was keeping an eye out for characters who weren’t sleeping with someone they shouldn’t. It came down to ‘Toine, Rosie the neighbour, her husband Randolf and Joey the mobster who’s only cheating with his own self-respect by indulging in that sinful plate of pasta.

On a side note, the midget in the cabinet sequence is, in my opinion, the best cliff hanger of not just the series but the entire human tradition of storytelling. I love that narrator R.Kelly has to freeze the scene to warn us of its significance. I love how the policeman’s keen spidey-sense kicks in as soon as he glances at the cabinet (but then again it comes after he thought there was someone behind the friggin’ refrigerator). I love how repeating the word cabinet makes us want to run to that cabinet…then rip open the cabinet. But mostly, I love that Bridgette cares enough to bake him a cherry pie even though she’s allergic to cherries. But the idea to use that cherry pie as a metaphor for adultery…surely R. Kelly is a genius.

I must hand it to the guy, this is good entertainment. The chance to roll with an idea like this without giving in to the left side of the brain is a rare occurance.

R. Kelly, I salute thee.

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